Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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