Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
operation harelip BJ is a go
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
