So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
