drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
