It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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