do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
