she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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