Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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