There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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