Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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