i don't like sucking hair
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
