You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
how drunk are you?
Several
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
