first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
