i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
