You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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