god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
