if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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