I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
