just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
