If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
