I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
