Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
