yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
