this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
