Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
