how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
