Your tits are I can't wait for
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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