Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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