i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
