I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
