I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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