two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
