I bet he comes in French.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
