plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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