I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
