some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
