just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
