Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
