I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
