so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
