they need to just BURY HIM!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
