Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ketchup is God's man juice
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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