shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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