Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
