"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
only you would photoshop your dick
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
