walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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