ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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