Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
