i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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