He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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