Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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