Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
