I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
