Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
